Top 10 reasons why women shouldn't bitch about being a woman.
why it would be good to have a vagina...
10. I would instantly gain minority status and get tax incentives.
9. I could easily hook up with anyone and get laid just by walking around Orchard Road past midnight, or actually...i could even be walking around under my HDB void deck and my chances of getting laid would still be quite high.
8. I could be bisexual, if i were so inclined, and not hear the scooting of chairs and get disgusted stares.
7. I could punch just about anyone as hard as I wanted or attack them with a large blunt object (the rolling pin cliche comes to mind) and rarely face assault charges.
6. Divorce is god-sent justice in Singapore:
a I would more than likely receive custody and child support in the instance of a divorce.
b. I would also more than likely not be liable to pay child support in the instance of a divorce.
c. I could however receive a stipend because I've become accustomed to living the lifestyle that my ex-husband's salary had previously afforded me.
5. I wouldn't be labeled a pussy if i cried during a particularly touching and emotional scene or if i yelped during a scary/terrifying/incredibly shocking and gory scene in a horror flick.
4. Guys would always be an abundant supply to boost my confidence.(kind of like having a loyal dog that would love you no matter what you did to it) They'll laugh at my jokes, listen to my problems and be able to totally understand why the girl i bitch about is such a slut. And if they become annoying, I would generally be able to drive them away with the phrase "I love how we're such good friends."
3. My hair would smell great. It would be soft, silky and shiny and flowing. Men aren't allowed to use flowery conditioners or perfumes. They are only allowed use deodrants that are derived from the anus of hooved animals. (Otherwise, terms such as gay or metrosexual will be tossed about)
2. I wouldn't have to serve in the NS but still be allowed to make sexist statements without repercussions because of my newly appointed minority status. At the same time, I could become vindictive upon hearing chauvinist statements, even when made in jest, because I am now a minority and you just wouldn't understand my pain.
1. I would definately get my dream present from at least one idiot dumbass guy for my birthday, now how blatant do i have to be to get that iPod again?
But would i ever trade up for all these benefits, not in a million lifetimes. I've been a guy far too long to stop this ride in second gear. Then i have to think about pregnancy, birth, menstruation, menopause and being expected to be a kitchen slave and being mechanically retarded. And the list i just made would only ever be useful to me if god himself came down and said "you're it, no wait...you're her".
10. I would instantly gain minority status and get tax incentives.
9. I could easily hook up with anyone and get laid just by walking around Orchard Road past midnight, or actually...i could even be walking around under my HDB void deck and my chances of getting laid would still be quite high.
8. I could be bisexual, if i were so inclined, and not hear the scooting of chairs and get disgusted stares.
7. I could punch just about anyone as hard as I wanted or attack them with a large blunt object (the rolling pin cliche comes to mind) and rarely face assault charges.
6. Divorce is god-sent justice in Singapore:
a I would more than likely receive custody and child support in the instance of a divorce.
b. I would also more than likely not be liable to pay child support in the instance of a divorce.
c. I could however receive a stipend because I've become accustomed to living the lifestyle that my ex-husband's salary had previously afforded me.
5. I wouldn't be labeled a pussy if i cried during a particularly touching and emotional scene or if i yelped during a scary/terrifying/incredibly shocking and gory scene in a horror flick.
4. Guys would always be an abundant supply to boost my confidence.(kind of like having a loyal dog that would love you no matter what you did to it) They'll laugh at my jokes, listen to my problems and be able to totally understand why the girl i bitch about is such a slut. And if they become annoying, I would generally be able to drive them away with the phrase "I love how we're such good friends."
3. My hair would smell great. It would be soft, silky and shiny and flowing. Men aren't allowed to use flowery conditioners or perfumes. They are only allowed use deodrants that are derived from the anus of hooved animals. (Otherwise, terms such as gay or metrosexual will be tossed about)
2. I wouldn't have to serve in the NS but still be allowed to make sexist statements without repercussions because of my newly appointed minority status. At the same time, I could become vindictive upon hearing chauvinist statements, even when made in jest, because I am now a minority and you just wouldn't understand my pain.
1. I would definately get my dream present from at least one idiot dumbass guy for my birthday, now how blatant do i have to be to get that iPod again?
But would i ever trade up for all these benefits, not in a million lifetimes. I've been a guy far too long to stop this ride in second gear. Then i have to think about pregnancy, birth, menstruation, menopause and being expected to be a kitchen slave and being mechanically retarded. And the list i just made would only ever be useful to me if god himself came down and said "you're it, no wait...you're her".
posted by dinesh at 2:09 AM
